Christian Divorcée: Filling up the cracks between married and single

29 Mar

“Christian Divorcée” is like an oxymoron.  Divorce is not part of an orthodox Christian’s vocabulary.  But in 21st Century America, we don’t seem to have much of a choice.  How do we survive when the worst happens?  How do we cope with the pressures of society to be part of a couple in order to be “complete?”  Are fullness, meaning and purpose even possible for a party of one?

My father left when I was 16, and my husband left when I was 24.  After my father left to begin a new family, I struggled with depression and grief.  I approached dating with trepidation and no intention of marriage in any other circumstances than God’s best for me.  Though my husband was an active Christian who shared my earnest desire to follow Christ in our relationship, not long after we were married he chose to desert his beliefs, marriage and friends.  I found myself hopelessly out of control of everything around me.  There were nights I really didn’t know if I would make it, but God never left me.  It has not been easy to follow the Lord or find answers to every problem I’ve faced, but He continues to be my hope and sustainer through it all.  When nothing else is true in my life, He is.  When I am a colossal failure, He does not stop loving me.

To make matters complicated, I am 34-year old Christian who has been divorced for nine years with no intention of remarriage.  I have no pretenses about the “glamour” and “ease” of divorce.  What scripture has to say about our relationship challenges is more real, more life-changing, more important to me than what talk show hosts have to say.  I’m not afraid to ask how we as Christians can value love but not live it — or to face the answer.

I am unapologetic about my lack of interest in remarriage, and though not every woman has made that same choice, through this blog I would like to offer an avenue to relieve some of the pressure and isolation we all share.  We unmarried women face many struggles in living alone, juggling all of life’s responsibilities all by ourselves.  We may feel isolated, but we are not alone.  Happiness in life is entirely possible without a significant other.  Contentment, joy and peace are blessings available at all times — they are completely independent from our circumstances in life.

This will not be a typical blog that focuses on finding mates.  My goal in sharing a variety of life experiences related to the unmarried Christian female life is to lend value to deliberately pursuing the chaste life and just enjoying the freedom that comes with being unattached.

If you have been feeling pressured by well-meaning peers, alone, or discouraged, I hope that your load will be lifted even a little by joining me here.  So I invite you to grab a cup of coffee and visit me often here as we share our journey together.

(NOTE: Cross-posted at on March 30, 2009.  This jennifrwhite blog will not be exclusively for the topic of being a Christian Divorcée.)

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